Coming Out of the Closet

Disclaimer- The following piece is based on a mix of opinions and facts derived from various sources. We do not intend to offend the sentiments of any individual or community. 

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Imagine being a binary person and having to tell your parents that you identify as a man or a woman. Or if you were straight and had to tell people about your sexual preferences. Seems quite absurd doesn’t it? But this seemingly unusual path comes as a part and parcel of being queer. 

 

Coming out is a process that essentially entails a person of any kind of a queer identity making their orientation known to others. Individuals of non-cishet identities “come out of the closet” by telling others about their gender or sexual identities. 

The process of coming out is not easy by anyone’s definition. It includes the initial step of figuring out your own identity and making peace with it, and then explaining the same to others. It is an uncomfortable conversation for many and can often take away from the point of the conversation which is to free an individual from the shackles of a facade. It has become a big part of the lived experience of a queer person, often seen as a rite of passage. 

It is seen as an essential step in affirming your own orientation and owning up to it. Coming out can give a person a sense of freedom, no longer bound by the fear of someone finding out unintentionally and things going wrong. Coming out can help an individual put themselves at ease, and even learn to live with pride. It can be an empowering process that brings you closer to not just those around you, but to your own truth.

However, coming out to someone also entails putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position. You open up your own identity to the scrutiny of others, even if they have no right to intervene in what you choose to be. Even loved ones can have unexpected, extreme reactions to this, causing mental distress. It is hard enough to come to terms with a different identity than the expectations of a heteronormative society without the added pressure of explaining the same to others. 

It is unfortunate that as a society, the process of coming out has been mandated only for the queer community. It is perhaps an outcome of the normalization of cishet identities. Anyone who does fit into the frame of what is expected by society has to carry the burden of coming to terms with their own identity and also explaining it to others. 

Why should anyone have to be pushed into explaining the complexities of their own identity to the world? Coming out needs to be a choice that an individual can choose to make or forego. It needs to be about their own comfort and not about meeting a benchmark that society has set for them. 

To anyone who identifies queer reading this blog, I just have this one thing to say. Do not be afraid to take charge of your own narrative. You choose when you feel comfortable in coming out to others. And even if you do not want to do it at all, it is completely fine. The way you choose to live your life and express yourself is a justification that only needs to be given to yourself. 

By- Ishita Kisku & Nishita Sinha